Hello, people!
In this “Learning Greek” series I try to teach you how “improper” words are used in Greek. After all, they are used a lot, because Greeks swear as often as they breathe. A slight exaggeration, I must admit, but it’s a good habit we have and I hope we’ll never suppress it.
So, we’ve seen how dicks and cunts are used in proverbs here. Now, we’ll see these words in everyday speech.
Nouns in Greek have genders. I’ll be using (M) for male gender nouns, (F) for female gender ones and (N) for neutral gender. These are the genders of the words, not the genders of the people those words refer to.
The Cunt
Vocabulary
Μουνί: (N) It’s pronounced moo-NEE. I’ll be writing it as muni. I’ll be using “cunt” to translate it. The word is not the medical term, but it doesn’t mean cats of any age and size, or anything but the cunt.
1. The cunt, the small cunt and the big cunt.
If you call a woman a cunt (muni – mind your tone), a small cunt (munaki – no need to mind your tone), or the one-word big cunt (munara – no need to mind your tone), you actually call that woman beautiful and sexy. Incidentally, munara is a female gender noun, the rest are all neutral gender.
You may also say “She is a good cunt”, or “She is a good small cunt”. For the big cunt variation, we usually use “big” instead of “good”. So, in English it would be “She is a big ‘big cunt’.” All these mean she is very beautiful and very sexy. When you use the small cunt variation you probably mean she is cute, too.
None of these mean she is a bitch. Not at all! All these expressions are compliments.
2. Why should you mind your tone?
I said above that if you use cunt (muni) you should mind your tone. The same is true if you use the two-word “big cunt” (megalo muni). That’s because, if you use either while sounding a bit angry, you actually insult the other person. And yes, you can call a guy a cunt, in this manner.
What you call them is an unethical motherfucker.
3. What if you (singular or a unified group) become a cunt?
If you say that you or someone became a cunt (always singular), you mean you became a mess. Usually this is preferred when filth is implied (although not necessarily), while otherwise you usually become a whore (also always singular) instead of a cunt.
“I drank like the faggot and I became a cunt.”
(Ήπια σαν τον πούστη και έγινα μουνί.)
Not as often but it can also be “I drank like a faggot and I became a cunt.”
(Ήπια σαν πούστης και έγινα μουνί.)
In this example, “whore” would sound wrong. Also, just like the “cunt” in this kind of expression can be a man, the “faggot” in the example can be a woman, just fine.
Similarly, if one makes you a cunt, it means that that person made you dirty (literally) or a similar kind of a non-physical mess. You don’t use this for an important/severe emotional mess. For example, if your partner breaks up with you, you won’t say they made you a cunt, although if someone asks you:
“And how are you now?”
You can answer: “Cunt!”
On the other hand, here is a proper use:
“A bitch threw some dirty water from her balcony, and she made me a cunt.”
4. What if you and someone else (not a unified group) become a cunt?
If you and someone else become a cunt (once again, the cunt is always singular) you have had a nasty fight.
“I found out she hit on my boyfriend, and we became a cunt!”
(Έμαθα ότι την έπεσε στον γκόμενό μου και γίναμε μουνί.)
Neither you nor the other party needs to be a woman.
Also, if you “make them a cunt”, you mess things/situations/whatever up.
I went to his house and I made them a cunt.
(Πήγα στο σπίτι του και τα ’κανα μουνί.)
In this example you may “make them a whore” instead:
“I went to his house and I made them a whore.”
(Πήγα στο σπίτι του και τα ’κανα πουτάνα.)
Although, these two expressions can more or less be used as if they mean the same thing, if that’s the only thing you say, the listener of the first expression will expect a messed up house, with papers all over the place, spilled food on the floor, things like that. On the other hand, the listener of the second phrase will expect broken glasses, torn up curtains and things like that. Do you see the difference?
And here is an example that uses both a cunt and a whore:
“Our Prime Minister is a big cunt and it made them a whore.”
5. The cloths of the cunt.
A cunt-cloth (μουνόπανο, munopano) (N) is used as an emphatic expression of the “cunt” when it’s used as an insult. For example:
“Politicians are cunt-cloths.”
Because they aren’t simply cunts.
On the other hand, the cloth (that stands) “in front of the cunt” (μπροστομούνα, brostomuna) (F) is a very proper word for the apron. That’s a Cypriot idiom, though, and is rarely if ever used in Greece. It’s worth mentioning that although the compound word uses the considered-to-be-improper word for cunt, the apron word is not a rude or improper word. It’s the kind of word you’ll use when asking at a supermarket, for example, whether they have aprons or where you can find them.
The Dick
Vocabulary
As I’ve said plenty of times, there are quite a few words that mean dick and only that. Here is a list of the most common such words.
Πούτσος: (M) It’s pronounced as POO-choss. I’ll be writing it as putsos
Πούτσα: (F) It’s pronounced as POO-cha. I’ll be writing it as putsa.
Ψωλή: (F) It’s pronounced as pso-LEE. I’ll be writing it as psoli.
Καυλί, καβλί, γκαυλί, γκαβλί: (Ν) The first two are pronounced as kav-LEE, the latter two are pronounced as gav-LEE. Whether it’s kav- or gav- is a regional issue. Whether the “v” sound is represented by “υ” or “β” is a matter of correct or simplified spelling. I’ll be writing it as kavli.
Τσουτσούνι: (N) That’s the word most parents teach their children to call the dick. It’s pronounced as chu-CHU-nee. I’ll be writing it as chuchuni.
Τσουτσού: (F) That’s also a word some parents teach their children to call the dick. Not the dominant trend. It’s pronounced as chu-CHU. I’ll be writing it as chuchu.
Informatively, the formal/scientific terms are:
Πέος: (N) The biological/medical term for the male sex organ (penis). It’s pronounced as PE-oss.
Φαλλός: (M) Originally, this meant the penis, and there are still some medical terms that use this word. But it came to mean the artificial representations of the penis. For example, the dick statues that were offered to the temple of Apollo in Delos would be called “φαλλοί” (plural) or “φαλλός” (singular). The pronunciation is pha-LOSS.
1. The innocent terms are the ruder ones.
You might think that using the innocent words parents teach their children is the safest, most polite, or maybe a bit shy way to say “dick”, but that’s wrong. Both terms are used as insults only.
If you call someone’s dick chuchuni you call it small/tiny, and not at all in an affectionate manner. Chuchunaki (small chuchuni) might give the affectionate feeling, but I’d suggest using putsaki (small putsa). Of course the latter can also be used as a way to make fun of the size of someone’s dick, but, depending on your tone, it can be interpreted as meaning that you find that small size loveable. Something that chuchuni won’t do, and chuchunaki is likely to fail to achieve.
Chuchu is even worse. If you clearly talk about someone’s dick, it’s also clear you speak ill of it. You most probably mean it’s small, and you certainly mean you don’t like it.
If you call someone chuchu, that’s the equivalent of calling someone a dick in English. In other words, it’s equal to calling them a cunt, as described above (case 2). Whether the person you want to insult is a guy or a woman calling them a cunt is more usual than calling them chuchu. Moreover, chuchu is extremely rarely used to describe a woman.
Neither word is used very often in everyday speech, though. Also no other word for dick can be used to call someone a dick, in the English expression sense.
If you call someone “mikrochuchuno” (literally the one who has a small dick) you belittle his manhood (character quality) more strongly than you comment on the size of his dick (unless you actually talk about his dick).
Incidentally, the only case in which these terms are used as a compliment is in the word “glikochuchunos” – literally meaning the one who has a sweet dick. The term “glikopsolis” – with exactly the same meaning and use, but using psoli instead of chuchu(ni) – is a more common term, and I’ll suggest you use the latter.
In any case, neither of these two terms describes a guy’s dick, or its taste. Instead, you call that guy a good lover.
“I can’t understand how, although he isn’t really impressive either appearance or character wise, he always has the best cunts.”
“He apparently is glikochuchunos.”
2. The most sex-oriented term.
The most sex-oriented term is psoli. In fact, I can’t think of any use of this term, and everything derived from this term (like the glikopsolis I mentioned above) that isn’t related to sex.
Just calling someone’s dick “psoli” means you are speaking favourably about it. You approve of it. You love it!
PsoLAra (ψωλάρα) means big dick. Not as often, but “puTSAra” and “kavlara” might be used. There is a reason I used the pronunciation-indicating capitalisation of the syllables in psolara and putsara. It will become clear soon enough. Before that, though, if you mean that a dick is huge (not just big), you’ll use psoLAra. If your focus is on its beauty, use kavlara (pronounced ka-VLA-ra).
PsolaRA is the vocative of psolaRAS. That’s the guy who has a big dick. Calling your lover “psolaRA mu” (my big-dicked one) is a compliment, of course. And quite a usual one, too. Just make sure your tone is clear. Because the exact same expression can be taken as an irony.
When it’s used for irony, you don’t necessarily belittle that guy for the size of his dick. In fact, the size of his dick is irrelevant. You tell him he is not man (enough).
3. The beauty of the dick.
Kavli is another mostly positive term for the dick. Just calling a dick “kavli” means you really like it. If you describe someone to me and you tell me “I love his kavli”, I’ll be expecting to see a lollipop between his legs, if you know what I mean. On the other hand, if you tell me “I love his psoli”, I’ll be expecting to see a third leg. 😏
If you have started to realise how Greek grammar works, maybe you can guess that “kavlaki” literally means small dick. But if you call a dick kavlaki you are actually being affectionate towards it. You really like it. Moreover, you don’t mean it’s small. If you call a guy kavlaki you call him sexy. You can also say “good kavlaki” or “beautiful kavlaki” – the latter not as often as the former. It’s like calling a girl a cunt (case 1 of the cunt section).
“Kavlaros” would mean huge dick. It’s male gender – remember that kavli is neutral gender – it actually doesn’t talk about the dick, but the guy. It means that this guy is very sexy.
Kavlaki implies some cuteness in him, while kavlaros doesn’t. It doesn’t imply the lack of it, either, just to be clear. But you can’t call an alpha male kavlaki. You need to call him kavlaro (vocative of kavlaros).
The far hotter (😜️) omega male, on the other hand, you can call him either kavlaro or kavlaki.
Incidentally, the word “kavla” (F) means horniness. And if you say that someone or something is kavla you mean that you find that person, or that situation very horny-fying. You can use this both for guys and for women (and for situations, as I’ve said).
4. The versatile dick.
Putsa (F) and putsos (M) are probably the most general and versatile terms meaning dick. When they actually refer to the dick, they have the exact same meaning and feeling.
The “small dick” term from either isn’t really used. Instead putsaki (N) is used. And this simply means a small dick. It’s more often just a description that doesn’t carry any feeling, on its own. That is, it neither belittles/ridicules nor shows fondness towards that small dick. As it’s not insulting by default, depending on how you use it, it can show affection, as I’ve said above.
If you say, for example, “I love your putsaki”, the guy will understand that you like his small dick. On the contrary, if you say, “I love your chuchunaki”, the guy is likely to understand you make fun of him.
PUtsaros means big dick and it’s from putsos. PuTSAra, which we’ve seen above, means big dick and it comes from putsa. PutsaRA, though, is the vocative of putsaRAS and it means the man with the big dick.
But putsa and putsos have meanings and uses unrelated to the dick as well.
a. When something is for the dick.
For this we use the male noun, putsos. As it’s in accusative it becomes “putso”. When we say that something is “for the dick” (για τον πούτσο) we mean that it’s inferior/useless/bad.
“Are you happy with your new phone?”
“No. It’s actually for the dick.”
b. What is a dick?
For this we use putsa. When we say “dick!” or that something is dick we mean that something is a problem, a big difficulty, or something very unpleasant.
“Learning Chinese is a big dick.”
(Το να μάθεις κινέζικα είναι μεγάλη πούτσα.)
In other words, learning Chinese is very difficult. You’ll use the two-word big dick here: megali putsa. Never puTSAra.
“I went on vacation and on the very first day I broke my arm.”
“Dick!”
c. The dick meal.
When Greeks say they ate a dick, they mean they got fucked – they didn’t give a blowjob. If you are talking about sex, then any term for the dick is okay. Other than the innocent terms, of course.
But when you are not being literal you’ll either use putsa (more often) or putso (rare). In such a case it means you faced a great difficulty or a very unpleasant situation.
“With the new laws the new generation is doomed to eat a big dick.”
(Με τους νέους νόμους η νέα γενιά είναι καταδικασμένη να φάει μεγάλη πούτσα.)
But eating dick is not always a bad thing. At least not when you eat it in or from the ass. Yes, you don’t eat dick with your ass (or pussy).
If you hear someone asking a guy how many dicks did he eat last night (or yesterday), it doesn’t mean that that guy is gay. Moreover, the one asking the question is not expecting the guy to tell him how many difficulties or misfortunes he faced last night. Quite the opposite, in fact. What this question means is: “You are so very lucky!”
If this question is asked of a woman, it will mention the ass more often than not: “How many dicks did you eat in your ass?” Because good luck comes from taking it in the ass, not in the pussy.
“Last night”/”yesterday” are not literal and they aren’t necessary. They appear often, but, still, they aren’t necessary. Also, in such a question psoles (plural for psoli) and kavlia (plural for kavli) can also be used, although putses (plural for putsa) is the most usual.
By the way, “kolofardos” (κωλόφαρδος, from ass and wide) literally means someone with a wide ass, but is used in the meaning of a wide-open ass-hole, which means he is lucky. A woman would be kolofardi. If you actually want to say that someone has a wide pelvis then that guy is fardokolis (φαρδοκώλης, from wide and ass), or that woman is fardokola.
An Extra Proverb
And since we know now what eating dick means, here is another proverb that doesn’t mention the dick, but it refers to it.
“One eats it and gets strained, another eats it and gets refreshed.”
(Άλλος τον τρώει και ζορίζεται, κι άλλος τον τρώει και δροσίζεται.)
There are some who try to claim that the not-mentioned “food” is not the dick, but if it’s not, why is it missing? Not to mention, what other thing fits the description? 😏️
The proverb means that the same thing might be pleasant for some and unpleasant for others. Usually, it’s used by those in the latter category.
That’s all! Have fun, and may your ass-hole always be wide-open!
Yorgos KC
