1
High school was not the best period of my life, unlike what I hoped for when entering it. Don’t get me wrong. It wasn’t bad. Neither better, not worse than any time before, or after it. Well… a little bit more annoying, at times, maybe. You see, every boy wants to lose his virginity in high school. Probably every girl, too, but half of them won’t admit it. And by the last year, all boys have either lost it, or they simply brag they have. And they also brag about how good they were in bed, and how awesome sex is. I won’t doubt the latter, but I’ll take the former with a grain of salt, or a kilo.
If anyone, like me, claims they haven’t had sex, the most common reactions are two. Those who want to be polite, or don’t really dislike you bet you are lying. Those who don’t care to be polite make fun of you.
I faced both reactions, but I didn’t really care, either way. After all, I wasn’t really friends with anyone, so who cares what they think? Other than Ethan. For his reaction, I would care. He, being my best friend, and the guy I was – and still am – secretly in love with, was the only important classmate, for me. But he never asked whether I had had sex or not. He never talked about his sex life either, nor whether he had one or not. Not only when it was just the two of us.
I can clearly remember, at least one instant, when he was asked – not by me, of course – whether he had had sex, and he simply brushed it off, saying, “None of your business!” The only time he actually said something about his sex life was when two girls of our class claimed, or rumours amongst boys said that they claimed, they had “made love” with him. Ethan denied it, and even questioned whether those girls had said that. Surprisingly – not really – nobody dared to ask them.
But that was high school, and it ended three years ago. And on the very same day any contact and interaction with every single one of my classmates ended, too. Not unintentionally, on my part, or theirs. Thankfully, Ethan was the exception, and we are still good friends. Well, truth be told, he is my only friend. Even if he wasn’t the only one, I would still call him my best friend. In my mind. I wouldn’t dare do that in his presence. It’s a blessing he keeps me around, and I don’t want to risk losing it.
We meet a lot. He seems to enjoy his time with me. He treats me well. That’s all that matters. He doesn’t need to know what I fantasise doing with him, when he isn’t around, and I never say, or do anything to give away those thoughts and wishes. The closest I go to flirting with him is telling him, every so often, he is the most beautiful guy. I love how he blushes every time he hears that. I don’t think a friend should not remind his friend he is beautiful, but, if you have a different opinion, let me reassure you that, other than that, I only show my love and care in ways a proper friend should act.
We hug a lot, we cuddle a lot, we kiss a lot. Not that kind of kissing. I said, we are friends! And do keep in mind that he was the one who initiated this kind of interaction. I didn’t play difficult. Why should I? I enjoy all these in more ways than a friend would normally do. Guilty. I admit it. But that’s no reason to avoid those great joys of my life.
Anyway!
This morning, February the 11th, Ethan called. And after the, “Hi, Kay, how are you?” and the like he asked, “So, what plans do you have for Valentine’s day?”
“You know… I have so many offers it’s hard to decide.”
“Really? And who is the lucky guy that you are more inclined to go out with?”
Okay! Pause! You could tell I was joking, right? And he knows me far better than you do, so he could tell I was joking without a moment’s hesitation. And he simply continued the joke. That much is clear to you and me alike. The shocking part, for me, was he said, “guy”. I’ve never told him I’m gay. I’ve never said, or pretended I’m straight, or anything, for all that matters. And he has never asked. So, how the fuck does he know?!?
Well, not sharing a fact about yourself is normal. Yeah, I know they say, “hiding is lying”. Bullshit! Tell me one person who has no secrets from the ones they consider their own, being them friends, family, other half, or whatever. So, yeah, I can hide things from Ethan and have a clear conscience. But denying a fact? That would be a lie. Since he asked me, in this indirect way, whether I’m gay or not, he deserves the truth. I needed a few moments to calm myself and muster my courage.
“There isn’t any such guy, so far. What about your big plans?”
“Same as you, more or less. Not as many offers as you have, most probably, for not any guy asked me out.”
Did I hear it right? He said, “guy”, didn’t he?
“Pity!” And that’s a big, fat lie! Don’t misunderstand me. I want him to be happy, and that means, I want him to find his perfect love. I want. But, for the first time since I’ve met him, a small, tiny, infinitesimal hope that, maybe, I can be more than just a friend for him was born in my heart. Yes, I’ll get over it and face reality soon enough. I know my odds. But, right now, were he to say he has a date with a guy, I would be really jealous.
“Can I tell you something embarrassing, Kayden? Every Valentine’s day I see all those couples, going out, all sweet and happy, having fun and enjoying their love, and I envy them.”
“I know the feeling…”
A long pause of self-pity followed before Ethan broke it.
“Kay? Are you in for something crazy?”
“I’m listening.”
“Why not, you and me, go out and have a fake Valentine’s date? Like a couple, not like friends?”
I laughed, so happy it was a phone call and he couldn’t see me jumping on my spot like crazy.
“Come on! It will be fun!”
“Okay,” I said, when I could somewhat control my joy. “Should I bring you chocolate, baby?”
“You’d better, my love!”
3 thoughts on “The Fake Date – Part 1”